ตลกเทศฝึกภาษา ฮาไปด้วย
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A gentleman goes to see the doctor about getting something done about his missing penis, which he lost in the war. The doctor asks the man how many males were in his family and the gentleman replied seven. The doctor said if they all agreed, he could take an inch off of each male and the gentleman would have a eight inch penis.
The gentleman asked the other males in his family if they would agree to having the surgery and everyone said yes. The next day all eight males went into the hospital to have the surgery. After it was all performed the doctor told the gentleman that he had a brand new eight inch penis, but to be extremely careful with it and to come back and see him in a week.
The next week the gentleman goes back to see the doctor and the doctor asked him how his new penis was working. The gentleman replied,
"Great doc, but I only have one question.
Who's brilliant idea was it to put grandpa's part in the middle?"สงสัยจะงอโค้งรับกับสรีระได้ดีกว่าเดิมนะครับ
___________________________________________________________
____
A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard, which is full and bushy.
"Are you the Manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no" he replies.
"Can you get him for me - I need to speak to him." she coos, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathes the barman - clearly aroused. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to lick them gently.
"Tell him that there is
no toilet paper in the ladies room."เผลอเลียนิ้วเธอไปแล้ว
_________________________________________________
Three nuns passed every day through a street that led them from Church to a Reformatory. They noticed a parrot that stood at the entrance of a big residential house. Every time they passed in front of that house, the bird would pronounce three sequential colors.
One day, they heard, "yellow, blue, black."
One of the nuns noticed that those colors perfectly matched the colors of their underwear. She mentioned her discovery to the other two nuns, but both were reluctant to believe that could be possible.
The next day, they all wore black underwear and passed in front of the house, and very precisely the parrot spoke,
"black, black, black."
Hearing that, the three nuns were astonished! One of the nuns spoke up,
"Girls, tomorrow we are going to trick that bird." Saying that, she recommended that the next day, none of them should be wearing any underwear under their vestments.
Respecting their agreement, the next day they wore no underwear, and proceeded to pass in front of the parrot's house.
Initially, the parrot looked a bit puzzled, he swung back and forth on his perch.
Then, after a while, the Parrot said,
"Straight, Straight, Curly!"เส้นเหยียดตรงสอง คดๆงอๆหยิกหยอยหนึ่ง
___________________________________________________________
____
"Doc," says Arthur, "I want to be castrated."
"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.
"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done", replies Arthur.
"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor.
"It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"
"I'm aware of that doc and you're not going to change my mind; either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."
"Well, OK.", says the doctor, "but its against my better judgment!"
So Arthur has his operations and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his IV stand.
Heading toward him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.
"Hi there", says Arthur. "It looks like you've just had the same operation as me."
"Well", said the patient. "I finally decided after 37 years that I would like to be
Circumcised." Arthur stared at him in horror...
"Shit, THAT'S THE WORD!!!!"ขลิบก็บอกขลิบไม่ใช่ตอน
_________________________________________________
A couple is celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary in a lovely restaurant. They were talking about how happy their marriage has been and still is.
The husband says, "We have been married for so long, 50 wonderful years, but there is something I have been meaning to ask you."
"Yes, dear, anything you want," replies the wife.
"Have you always been faithful? Come on, you can tell me; we have been married for so long nothing can change that."
Shocked as she was she figured she owed him the truth.
"I have been unfaithful three times," she says. "Remember when you were going to lose the business and you desperately needed a loan, but none of the banks you went to gave you one. And then, on the weekend, one of the bank managers came to the house and gave it to you. Well that was the first time."
"I am shocked, but also I love you dearly because you sacrificed yourself to save me from bankruptcy. What about the 2nd time?" he asks.
"The second time was when you had the heart attack and needed that special surgery. Remember the heart specialist flew in from Chicago?" she said.
"Again I am shocked but I love you even more because you did it for me. You are truly a magnificent woman. Tell me the third time."
"Well, remember when you were running for mayor and you
were 47 votes short...."ครั้งที่สามตอนที่ อ่า อ่า ตอนที่คะแนนคุณยังขาดอีก 47 เสียง
_________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________
____
A guy is not getting along with his wife. He thinks maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop. After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch. He notices that it doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says out loud,
"Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot."
"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."
"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me."
"I understood every word," says the parrot. "I am a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird. "
"Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is a little embarrassing, but since you asked I'll tell you. I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy, "you really can understand and answer, can't you?"
"Of course. I speak both Spanish and English. I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy ... and I am especially good at ornithology. You ought to buy me. I am a great companion."
The guy looks at the price tag. "$200!" he says. "I can't afford that."
"Pssst," the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with one wing.
"Nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can get me for $20 -- just make an offer."
The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by.
The parrot is sensational. He's funny, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, sympathizes, gives good advice. The guy is delighted.
One day he comes home from work and the parrot says,
"pssst," and motions him over with one wing. The guy goes up close to the cage.
"I don't know if I should tell you this or not," says the parrot, "but it's about your wife and the mailman..."
"What?" says the guy. "What?"
"Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today your wife greeted him in a sheer nightgown and kissed him on the mouth."
"What happened then?" asks the guy.
"Then the mailman came into the house and lifted up the nightgown and began petting her all over," reports the parrot.
"Oh No!" the guy says, "Then what?"
"Then he lifted up the nightgown, got down on his knees and began to lick her body, starting with her breasts and slowly going down and down ..."
The parrot pauses for a long time.
"Then what... what happened next... WHAT HAPPENED?" says the frantic guy.
"I don't know," says the Parrot,
"that's when I fell off my perch."จะม้วนพันคอนอยู่ได้ไงเห็นหนังสดแบบนั้น
_________________________________________________
